


May Be the Last Time

by SugarGlaze



Series: Shingeki no Kyojin Gaiden [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Father Figures, Feelings, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Swears, No Sex, Nostalgia, Rough Kissing, Sex Talk, Spoilers, Trust, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 05:35:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17995877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugarGlaze/pseuds/SugarGlaze
Summary: In the wake of the uprising, peace overcomes the Trost District. Yet, few believe the peace is momentary; a storm is brewing. Camilla is one of those people.As a former Scout, she knows too well that Erwin Smith plans to risk the lives of his comrades in order to reach his goal. In fear of losing him and the love of her life, she tries to coerce Levi into stopping him. This may be the last time she gets to see her loved ones and the realization is slowly tearing her apart.





	May Be the Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This one-shot takes place during volume 18 of the manga, before chapter 72: Night of the Battle to Retake the Wall. It contains a few spoilers, so read at your own risk.
> 
> The idea to write this one-shot came to me before I started plans to write End Game, so bare with me. Some of the content is lackluster compared to other works I have written for this series. I rather enjoyed writing it, however, because it gives Camilla a backstory and shapes her in a different light than how she is portrayed in End Game.

“In all honesty, child … hard to believe you were once with the Scouts with all that cryin’ you keep doing,” Priya Voss – a middle aged woman with bright, gracious eyes – snorted in amusement. The insufferable noise certainly didn’t suit her, she thought, but she couldn’t help from making it either. She’d never met anyone like her – zealous little Camilla Laverne – who didn’t like to doll up or had never put on makeup in her entire short life, since being let go from the military. Camilla was in her early thirties; still young and full of spirit. It was hard to believe she’d never done this; _acted like a girl._ Her elder tried not to snicker, biting down on her bottom lip. Long skirts were one thing; Priya bought Camilla many of them while she looked after her. Yet, makeup was another.

In the military no woman wore makeup; there was no need for it. Hell, cosmetics rarely sold outside of Wall Sina. To have them, especially in a shiftless district like Trost was a luxury. Women were either prostitutes, lived in the Capitol, or had a loved one in the military who provided for them – the latter in this case. Jobs never paid enough for anything other than cost of living, so when Camilla offered to buy Priya something unique – something of her own – she knew exactly what to ask for. The Reeves Company were nice enough to find the particular item and with a little money, Priya had a full set within the week, straight from Wall Sina. Callous little Camilla became her test subject – it was for a special occasion after all. Two hours later and she looked flawless.

“Not bad – _girl cleans up nice._ ” Priya straightened her back, hearing the bones of her spine pop like a bundle of dry twigs. Her effort was rewarded with a gentle smile. She curled her lips into a frown. “Don’t be so down. He’ll love it; every man loves to see his girl dress up nice for ‘em. Ruben used to show me off to all his military buddies whenever I dolled up on visitation day. Trust me, works every time.”

“I don’t have doubts,” Camilla softly said. Her thin brows knotted in frustration, unsure of how she should feel. This was new to her; the entire aspect on wooing men. Nothing was off-putting about her – she was likeable. Yet, she felt silly wearing something she felt was intended for the women of the royal family. Her lover – _fiancé maybe_ – never spoke out on her appearance so Camilla never aimed to change herself. She wasn’t certain he’d even mind. “But, I’m not sure all this is necessary. Levi has never seen me like this; it’s not me.”

Priya nodded in understanding. She bent forward, despite the stiffness in her back and laid her palm against Camilla’s shoulder. “Levi can respect how strong you are as a soldier, but he also needs to admire the fact you are vulnerable as a woman too.”

 _What does that even mean?_ Camilla stifled a groan. She wasn’t certain she wanted to know, but she agreed nonetheless. In all honesty, she thought the clever woman was urging her to get laid – or that Levi needed to. Her painted lips drew back into a wide mock smile. “I’d like to see. Am I allowed?”

“Obviously,” Priya chuckled. Her eyes lit up, shimmering like stunning blue zircons. She retrieved a small hand mirror she placed on the kitchen table and handed it to Camilla with a open smile. Her heart beat in her chest like the wings of a humming bird, waiting in anticipation as Camilla stared at herself in the reflective glass surface.

Strips of misty green powder shaded the creases of skin above her eyes – generally lackluster, Camilla agreed that the emerald color made them pop. Her olive skin was dusted in rose pink and her lips coated in nude lipstick. _I look … different._ It wasn’t a bad thing, however. It was nice. Priya had curled her brown hair and tied most of the length over her right shoulder. She honestly wasn’t sure what to say.

“You like it, I know.” The lively woman played with a loose strand of her glossy hair.

Camilla smiled gently and nodded in agreement. “I do … thanks.”

 

[2]

At half past the hour, Trost district was full of go. Camilla ambled down the road, holding a woven picnic basket on her forearm and the long back portion of her skirt in her grasp. There was admiration in her sea green eyes. She took in the scenes; both old and new. Savory Things – a dessert shop Priya co-owned – sat on the corner, locked up for the day. The district itself had gone through so many changes since the uprising – all for the better, in the young woman’s opinion. She herself felt reformed. Once an ill-mannered and selfish brat, Camilla was now able to smile; able to finally sleep through the night. If anything, she felt happier.

“Look who it is!” From across the street, a young man with short, light hair caught her attention.

Flegel – the CEO of the Reeves Company – beamed in excitement as Camilla halted and waited for him to cross. She was lovely, in his eyes. A halo of light surrounded her, even at her worse. _To see her in a dress, however._ Flegel squeezed his clammy hands into a fist. _Is a real delight._

Camilla noticed a rise in color on his spotted cheeks. She became concerned that he was ill or exhausted – as of late Flegel had been using his resources to rebuild Trost – and by instinct brought her slim fingers up to brush against his blooming skin. He withdrew from her sudden touch, but looked her firm in the eyes. “Are you feeling unwell?” Her question unearthed a gentle smile from him.

“I’m okay … really.” The chubby male scratched his neck in shame. Being seen, he had no other choice but to snitch on himself. “The cosmetics took me by surprise. It’s odd seeing you with them on.”

 _Odd,_ Camilla questioned. She wasn’t sure how he intended to make the remark sound, but it made her feel let down – Priya made such an effort on her appearance. “Do I look that off putting?” She meant it as a joke, but couldn’t bring herself to laugh. Her dull green eyes stared forward as she moseyed around the district; Flegel at her side.

“Not at all; you look nice.” His lips curled up into a knowing grin. _For Captain shorty no doubt._ A twinge of resentment seared his heart. Flegel liked her, yes, but he knew better than attempt to divide her from her captain. She loved the impassive man, for whatever reason he wasn’t sure. They had a history that remained unsaid. Yet he couldn’t deny the joy fostering in his chest every time Camilla gently smiled at him – as she was now.

“You’re too kind,” she told him. “Honestly I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. I did it, only to humor Priya.”

 _So generous,_ Flegel thought. He opted to stop the conversation before it went dry, having other things to discuss with her. The chubby male cleared his throat and straightened his stooped posture. “I’ve been having some doubts about all this; about the way our scouts are doing things. The uprising took much from us. So many people were sacrificed; my dad included. Guess I’m just scared.”

Camilla frowned; a clue as to what he wanted from her. She took a deep breath. “I am too, honestly, but fearing the unknown is no way to live. Titans may come and breech the walls like before and no doubt they will, but I’m not going to let that impending doom hang over me as it had. Whatever the scouts have planned I ask that you trust in them, whether they succeed or not.” _I do; I trust in Erwin and I trust in Eren to push us forward._

“Had you have asked me that two months ago, I would have told you hell no,” Flegel admitted with a forceful laugh. “But now, knowing what I do, I feel some comfort with my company in their hands. Erwin took a gamble and it panned out – that’s more than most were willing to do. If you believe in them, I’ll try too.” _There’s nothing more I can think to ask her._ He was out of time; the military base was just ahead of them, fenced up. With it being quiet between them, Flegel chose to fall back and watch her sign in at the gate. She turned to him once she was done, giving him a gentle smile.

“I appreciate the company. Thank you,” Camilla uttered softly. She wasn’t sure what else to say other than to give her gratitude.

Flegel gave her a lazy wave. “No problem, Miss Laverne. Say hello to Hange for me.” She bobbed her head in agreement; Flegel took his leave. He had a new handle on his feelings in accordance with her statement, but for some reason he couldn’t shake the dreary feeling that something bad was about to happen.

 

[3]

Minutes after she arrived and signed in at the front gate someone came to escort her into the base. Camilla was a little surprised to see that someone was Erwin – his gentle smile was just as she had remembered. An intense urge to salute him tensed up her arm muscles; her fingers dug into the fabric of her cotton skirt. Five years she served in the military. Breaking the habit of saluting her superiors was hard to do – some occasions she’d even address Levi as sir, only to earn a curious glance in response.

 “Commander,” Camilla greeted him.

Erwin nodded in response. “It’s been a while – two weeks exactly. I trust all has been well.”

“Well enough, and I assume the same for you. The people of Trost certainly seem happier.” She hated to beat around the bush, choosing to change the topic before her thoughts delved into the past. “Is Levi busy?”

“A little,” Erwin answered. “He’s been in a few meetings today, but he should be at the barracks now. I thought I’d take you there myself, since Hange is hard at work on a new experiment.”

 _A new experiment? With Eren I bet._ Yet again her irrational thoughts reflected on the sudden declaration. It was none of her business, she understood this, yet it was in her nature to be curious. Being a civilian had no perks. Camilla forced a smile. “Shall we go then?” In her basket was the order Levi put in and she was rather eager to have some of it – her body was tense.

Mercifully, Erwin agreed. He led her across the camp, glancing over his shoulder every so often to make sure the curious woman was still with him. She paused only once to watch the soldiers exercising in the field. But with a restful sigh, Camilla moved on. Erwin felt pity for her.

“Feeling nostalgic?”

Camilla shook her head in agreement. “A little, but honestly I’m better off like this, not worrying about the world out there. It’s naïve; I know.” She rolled her eyes – Levi often told her this.

“Not at all,” Erwin argued. He glanced again over his shoulder. “If not for the verdict, I know you’d still be out there with us, risking your life to save humanity. If ignorance is how you wish to play it, then you’ve earned the right. The less you know, the more you can focus on your future; it’s all I ever wanted for you.” Frankly, Erwin never wanted her to become a scout, or a member of the military for that matter. She was young when he first met her; a mixed up woman that he fostered into a soldier. Camilla was an asset, but the more her anger for him grew, the more he realized he had duped her out of a life.

Then, she got worse. Her past caught up to her – demons Erwin thought had long since died. Long story short, she defected for a while. The general would never allow her to come back, and once the ordeal was over, Darius Zackly kept to his word. He tossed Camilla out of the military, to Erwin’s relief. She lived as a citizen of Trost under the watch of the Garrison until recently. This was the life Erwin wanted for her; safe and sound. Even so, she managed to still surprise Erwin from time to time – helping the scouts during the uprising; worming her way into Levi’s isolated heart. The commander didn’t know what to expect from her. He was just happy to see her smile more often.

“What’s that look for?”

Erwin gently laughed. “Nothing. You look nice is all.” She was glowing.

 _Peculiar, but okay._ The flustered woman thanked him. Erwin always baffled her; he wasn’t an easy person to read. She learned to expect the unexpected from him, like the day he lost his right arm. Never did she imagine he’d sacrifice it for Eren, but he did. On that day, Camilla appreciated just how much Erwin had done for her. She didn’t want to lose him – he was close to her heart; the closest thing to a father she ever had. But, she’d never admit this to him. Her eyes focused on the empty sleeve of his uniform jacket, where his arm use to be. A sense of dread filled her.

“Erwin … be honest with me.” She couldn’t stop herself from grasping his shoulder. As soon as she had his attention she continued. “It’s none of my concern, but I have to know if you’re sure. In this condition you’re at a disadvantage. I just … just don’t want you to upset Priya. She worries about you.”

 _Clever._ She didn’t ask about his plans, but she knew he’d never wait idly, even as a disadvantage. “I’m sure. There’s things I have to be certain about.” _Priya will understand._ Erwin placed his hand over her own to assure her, but he knew she wasn’t satisfied. In her eyes, he could see the tears.

Camilla knew that he only ever cared about his personal truth. _This is the exact reason I hate you._ She nodded in understanding, but she didn’t agree with his suicide mission. It was selfish. Even so, Camilla couldn’t bring herself to stop him. _Not me, at least._

[4]

“There a reason you’re can’t sit still? Bathroom is in the back if you need to take a shit.”

Heat rose to the curious woman’s face. “I swear your mouth has no filter; it’s all shit jokes with you.” Camilla narrowed her eyes at Levi, sitting on the couch in his barrack. She shouldn’t be surprised, but honestly, she was. _He’s right though._ She couldn’t sit quiet, not with so much still on her mind. Her foot tapped excitedly on the wooden floor. “That man rouses me is all; baiting me like he did.”

Levi watched her nibble on her lip. It annoyed him to no end to play guessing games with her, and frankly Camilla was testing his patience. He leaned forward and grabbed his cup from the floral saucer on the coffee table and drank slowly from it. Even if he were to ask, she’d give him an indirect answer and irritate him further. Therefore, he sat quietly and let her mull over her thoughts.

It wasn’t long before she gave in.

“It’s Erwin … he’s being unreasonable.” Camilla pushed herself off the couch. Growling, she paced the floor. “Not once has he ever told me that he wanted better for me. That man barely put up a fight when I wanted to become a scout. Yet, he spoke against me in my hearing and got me discharged. Then today, he looked at me like it was the last time he’d ever see me again.”

“It will be, if he goes out there,” Levi said honestly. “He’s in no position to be fighting Titans; I’ve already told him.” He did more than that; Levi threatened him. Yet, it did no good.

Camilla felt dread swell up inside her. She had a hunch that after two months Erwin planned to send the Scouts on another expedition. She was right; he may not have said it, but his actions proved her assumption. It was too long, in her opinion, to have them sit idle. But then again, Erwin did say that Hange was busy with experiments. _But what? Erwin would only put off the expedition if he knew she needed more time – it has to be something good._ But was it good enough to risk his life on? Camilla stopped dead. She wondered if Levi knew.

“Is there a chance he’ll live through this one? I only ask because you’d be honest with me … right?”

Levi sipped at his tea, then put the cup back onto the table. “He’ll most likely die. Not even the firepower shitty glasses is cooking up will save him if he’s not able to use them.”

 _Weaponry then; none of my business._ Erwin, however, was. His words and actions impacted Camilla greatly – the trial, loosing his arm, _just today._ To her, it felt like he was preparing to die. _Was he saying goodbye without ever saying it?_ This scared her. Pacing again, she tried to think back to a time when he was like this, but she couldn’t. Priya told her that Erwin never married because he didn’t know when he was going to die. _But then why spend time with her now?_

“Sit down,” Levi ordered. This startled her, he noted. She stared at him like a scared deer for a moment, but followed his instruction, moving towards him; only to sit in the floor in front of his legs. He gave her a confounded look, knotting his brows.

“Have you spoken to him? He might listen to you.” Camilla grasped the hem of his slacks and gently slid his legs apart, moving herself between them. “If anything you can persuade him … right?”

“Like you’re trying to persuade me? Because I’m not getting on my knees for him.” Levi noted the dust of red that inflamed her cheeks.

Camilla shielded her face against his leg. _How can he say that with a straight face?_ “No … that’s not what I meant.” She leaned up and grasped the collar of his shirt, softly pulling him forward. “Stop him if you have to. Levi I know if anyone can make him come to reason, it’s you.”

“He’d rather give up his legs than miss this opportunity; it’s that important to him. There’s no hope for that contemptible fool,” Levi explained. Taking her by the wrist, he drew Camilla onto his lap. He noted how anxious she looked, having to hitch the front of her skirt to her thighs in order to sit easily against him. “If he dies out there, it’s his fault.”

“Don’t say that. He won’t–”

Levi stopped her, forcing his mouth roughly against hers. Slow to act, he clutched her shoulder and pulled her closer until she sighed – the noise softly pulsed their lips.

No longer motionless, the woman slid open her mouth and eagerly accepted his tongue when Levi pressed it against hers. She followed his lead, kissing him deeply; head angling a bit to feel him tighten his hold on her. Camilla slipped her arms over his shoulders, doing the same. This was the exact reason why she fell in love with him. Impassive as he was, she felt like Levi knew her. All the pain she suffered and the distress she felt, he fought away. _He can’t enjoy this sort of attention, yet when I get unreasonable like this he takes an intimate approach._ Frankly, she loved it; being touched by him. Only catch was, Camilla always wanted more.

The minute Levi separated from her, she cupped her hands around his jaw and brought her lips back to his, forcing her tongue between his warm, pale lips. Her hips moved on impulse, bobbing forward. The sudden friction against her lap sent warm sparks to the tip of her toes and into the pit of her stomach. It felt good, yet Levi grounded her before she could do it again, holding down her thighs. Camilla parted from him, wiping away the string of saliva that connected her tongue to his. Panting softly, she knitted her brows.

“Is there something wrong?”

Levi took a deep breath and shook his head. “Wait before you use me as an outlet to cure your shitty frustration.” Again she went red in the face. “You need to understand that Erwin may die on this next expedition, and prepare for it.”

 _How do you prepare for something like that?_ Camilla felt her self-control slip again; warm tears clouded her sight. “Levi … I can’t – not right now.” She leaned against his shoulder, shielding her face with his shirt. Her bottom lip quivered as she tried to suppress the tears. “L–let me … worry about it when it happens … please.” Even with her throat feeling tense, Camilla swore to Levi she’d make an effort – an obvious lie. She was just content that he didn’t call her out on it. _God knows he would._

“Do me a favor,” she continued softly. “Change the subject; anything besides this nonsense about Erwin.”

 _Remember who brought this up, brat._ Levi narrowed his eyes. Frankly, there was something he was a touch curious about; her change in appearance. Lifting a hand, the bemused man took a strand of her smooth hair and teased it between his thumb and forefinger. “What’s the occasion? You don’t normally do this yourself; make up and curl your hair.”

Camilla let out a shaky laugh and sat up, wiping the tears from the corner of her hazy eyes. “This is the first time I’ve done this kind of thing. It was Priya who insisted I doll up for you” – she paused to laugh again – “To get me laid, I assume. She told me you’d see me in a different light, not so much a soldier.”

Her skin heated up. “Honestly, I have no idea why I told you that. It’s uncomfortable to speak about,” she added. A gentle smile pulled at her lips.

“I noticed,” Levi stated. “Funny how sex is uncomfortable for you to speak about, but when being fucked you say things that would make a prostitute blush.”

 _Not even a hint of humor in his voice._ Camilla groaned and hid her face. “This is your fault. I wasn’t this foolish before I met you. Everything you say is vulgar.”

Levi sighed. “Too late to change your mind about me. You already coerced me into this relationship, and my vulgar mouth won’t shut just because we’re together.”

“Here I thought I was special,” the cheerful woman joked. She glided her arms back around his neck and leaned closer, placing a kiss on his lips. _Makes sense; he tolerates me when I’m like this._ “But, if this ever becomes too much for you to handle; this relationship. You’d tell me, right?”

A cry of pain left Camilla’s mouth as she felt Levi pinch her side. He was glaring at her, ready to pinch her again if she tried to speak. “You’d be the first to know, brat. Trust me.”

 _I do._ Instead of arguing with him, Camilla agreed with a nod. She moved forward and rested against his chest, feeling content when his arm went around her waist. _I do trust you, Levi._ She honestly didn’t know what she was so worried about. _Erwin will be fine; Levi will be with him._

If only she knew.

**Author's Note:**

> Despite this being a what if scenario, I have plans to write a sequel for it; the aftermath of Erwin's death and how it affects Camilla. That one-shot in general will contain sexual themes and some mild violence.


End file.
